silo

Gentle sunbeams, honeyed fields
entwined lovers, gurgling streams

vibrant fluttering, petrichor
surround me on my walk.

Seen, unseen. I return to
pencil tales of melancholy.


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Blind in Paradise (Sijo)
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39 thoughts on “Blind in Paradise (Sijo)

  • September 28, 2017 at 12:18 pm
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    I liked the use of “seen, unseen” to indicate how little impact the bucolic surroundings had on your narrator’s state of mind. The lyrical flow of the last stanza didn’t work very well for me though. The metre was quite different from the first two stanzas. Your imagery was very good, and well done for working “petrichor” in there!

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    • October 3, 2017 at 9:28 am
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      Might have to try rework the last stanza. Appreciate your comment.

      Reply
  • September 29, 2017 at 1:28 am
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    Nice uses of the words honeyed and petrichor to introduce taste and smell into your sijo. The third stanza didn’t sit right for me either. I think because the lines of each stanza are supposed to stand on their own. “Seen, unseen. I return to/” is not self-contained.

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    • October 3, 2017 at 9:27 am
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      Yeah the rhyming was off a little. Been trying to improve my writing using better descriptions. Thanks for the feedback.

      Reply
  • October 1, 2017 at 2:16 pm
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    Wow, Namy. This is gorgeous. I don’t knoe but at some point I felt that this was about writer’s block.

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    • October 1, 2017 at 3:22 pm
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      Thank you:) That’s a unique interpretation. The writer definitely has a blocked mind, too immersed in himself

      Reply
  • October 1, 2017 at 4:05 pm
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    Sadly we are never content with happiness but search always for something better. I love the analogy of a writer surrounded by love, beauty and contentment penning sad stories!

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    • October 3, 2017 at 9:20 am
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      Yes we are never satisfied. Sometimes we cannot see the beauty around us

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  • October 1, 2017 at 5:29 pm
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    Walks by a garden or just walks out in the sun and nature are to die for. That was beautiful. Good day!

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  • October 1, 2017 at 8:13 pm
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    I like those “pencil tales of melancholy”. Nice to see you in the Pantry.

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  • October 1, 2017 at 8:59 pm
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    I was pleasantly drifting along in the gentle sunbeams and honeyed fields with you … until that last stanza, which brought me to melancholy with a thud! Intriguing write.

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  • October 1, 2017 at 11:36 pm
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    Interesting background for a sad walk…

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    • October 3, 2017 at 9:10 am
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      Yes they contrast the writers state of mind

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  • October 1, 2017 at 11:39 pm
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    We are Amod such beauty in the world yet we return to writing…at least that’s what I read from this good poem.

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    • October 3, 2017 at 9:09 am
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      Thank you for your interpretation

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    • October 3, 2017 at 8:56 am
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      True! It can be an inspiration for verse anytime

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    • October 3, 2017 at 8:51 am
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      I wish they weren’t all shades of grey!

      Reply
    • October 3, 2017 at 8:54 am
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      Learnt from Yeah write what a sijo is only a couple of weeks back. Interesting form

      Reply

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