erasure poetry

Winter day
light hushed the empty room
her worn blue jeans,
other odds and ends
conjures memories.
the melancholy of reality
outpaces our imaginings.
I get to pretend at wholeness;
it’s never there.


This Erasure poem is written for YeahWrite Weekly Challenge #353

Scroll down to see the original text and the words chosen for this erasure poem

original text, source

Page with Selected Words

Erasure Poetry: Dull Ache
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14 thoughts on “Erasure Poetry: Dull Ache

  • January 19, 2018 at 8:39 am
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    I loved the line “light hushed the empty room”. I stopped to think about that, try to picture the moment. It’s so lovely.

    Reply
  • January 19, 2018 at 4:04 am
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    This is incredible! A beautiful poem, lots of feeling. Where do you even begin with these blackout poems? I have to try one soon!

    Reply
  • January 18, 2018 at 2:16 pm
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    I love this, and I don’t even get poetry! The last line was brilliant.

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  • January 18, 2018 at 2:03 pm
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    The ending makes me sad, but the poem shows that’s how it is supposed to be.
    I actually liked the poem compared to the original text, because in the poem, the grief is more personal and more closer. It is very much real.

    Reply
  • January 18, 2018 at 9:37 am
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    I liked the subtle change from the loss of wholeness for his children in the original, to a more personal loss in your poem.

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  • January 18, 2018 at 9:29 am
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    I really liked what you did here. Especially, the breaking up of the words “reality outpaces” to bring out a deeper layer. Poignant indeed!

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  • January 18, 2018 at 1:07 am
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    This poem’s tone is very strong. I feel a deep sense of loss at the end.

    Reply
  • January 17, 2018 at 9:40 pm
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    I agree with Lisa – what a poignant ending. I also like how you used the title of the original piece as your opening word.

    Reply
  • January 17, 2018 at 8:18 pm
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    Ooh, I liked the end of this, even though it was sad: I get to pretend at wholeness; it’s never there.

    Reply

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